People are looking at your LinkedIn profile. Who’s looking?

  1. People who work at the company your ex works for are looking at your LinkedIn profile. They are looking at your LinkedIn profile on a Friday during Happy Hour. They are using our mobile app and connected via a bar’s wifi. They are all in the same department. Upgrade your account, and we can tell you what your ex said about you.

  2. You have received InMail! Someone who lives in a very large country with a very large backlog for immigrating to the United States would like you to hire him and to sponsor an H1-B visa. He does not speak English well. It is unclear from his message whether he has any skills relating to your industry. Why do you want us to filter these sorts of messages? That sounds kind of racist.

  3. Don’t take this the wrong way, but the shady recruiter who cross-references LinkedIn profiles with dating app profiles in order to illegally screen for circumstances that one can not legally ask about in the hiring process is looking at your LinkedIn profile. But only because he is hoping that you will contract with him to bring in fresh young talent (under 40, single, no kids) who can help you catch up on that backlog of work. It looks like you’ve been under a lot of stress lately. Maybe he can help. You should connect!

  4. On the other hand, your third degree connection is looking at your LinkedIn profile. At 2am. He downloaded your profile photo. Since you are in his extended network, hiding your profile from him will cost extra.

  5. Your mother is looking at your LinkedIn profile. Stop selling your self short! Here are some jobs you could apply for! At your age, you should be much further along in your career! Your mother ran into one of your high school classmate’s mothers in the grocery store. Did you know that your classmate is a senior VP at a very large company that just about everyone has heard of? Are you connected with this classmate on LinkedIn? Why not! You should network more.

  6. The mean girl from high school is also looking at your LinkedIn profile. She downloaded your profile picture and made fun of you on Instagram. She has almost 200,000 followers. A view from the right person is a step closer to your next career move!

  7. The homeless man who sleeps in the alley behind your building and who rummages cans from your trash (job title: Reclaimed Aluminum Acquisitions) and who charges his phone from the outlet inside the control box for your sprinkler system is looking. Did you know that based on salary trends in your industry, you probably can spare some change? You could certainly be drinking better beer. Have you considered switching to sparkling water? It looks like you’ve been under a lot of stress lately.