As a resident of our new, post-truth universe, I would like to start a totally untrue rumor/conpiracy theory.

I am going to assert that Andrew Yang does not exist.

As you might recall, I am from Schenectady. Andrew Yang is allegedly from Schenectady. No one I know knows this Andrew Yang. (We know a different Andrew Yang who is maybe three years older than the one who is running for president.) Specifically, my brother does not know Andrew Yang despite being from the same hometown, roughly one grade apart, and going to the same college.

And, yes, Andrew Yang went to prep school. But other people who I know went to the same prep school! And they do not know him, either! No one remembers him from middle school!

This would be the most amazing conspiracy theory in the whole world if Roxane Gay (who also went to that prep school and is also roughly the same age as me, my brother, and this alleged “Andrew Yang” character) had no recollection of him either.

Part of me sort of hopes that my conspiracy theory is true. I’ve had enough of some of the real people running for president. An imaginary candidate might be a good break from reality.