1. I upgraded to the latest version of iOS, and ever since then the reminders on my phone haven’t been telling me about things that I told you that I would do. Or the plans that I made with you. Come to think of it, the update also removed your contact information from my phone. Weird, no?

  2. Ever since they patched High Sierra, I have to remember my password, so I couldn’t turn off the parental controls that make it absolutely impossible to do anything on the computer. That’s right. You can’t install any software, open any apps, view any web pages, write any files, or anything else without the password.

  3. Apple put out an update for the firmware for my Time Capsule router, and that made it so that Time Machine stopped working correctly. Every since then, I can not remember any of those things that you asked me to do. The past has become an arbitrary construct. I think that the update has tilted my plane of experience and altered the angle at which it intersects the cone of obliscence, so for now I can only remember the future.

  4. The new version of iTunes no longer empties the dishwasher or scoops the cat box.