1990s: Excuse me. Excuse me! I think you’re wearing my party clothes.

me: Reputable fashion sources tell me that you’re back! I can wear your clothes!

1990s: I think they mean that you can buy new clothes that remind you of me. I don’t think they meant that you were supposed to raid your closet for that $20 party dress that you bought at the Marshalls in La Jolla in 1996 and ironically wore to teach in layered with that black t-shirt that your mom bought mail-order in 1987 and also wore to your brother’s wedding in 2001.

me: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! I CAN’T HEAR YOU!

1990s: Is that the barrette that you bought at that street fair in Hanover in 1993?

me: I CAN’T HEAR YOU! I CAN’T HEAR YOU!

1990s: Clinique Black Honey Almost lipstick?

me: They still make it! I bought it new at Sephora very recently!

1990s: What happened to the Mary Janes? Are you going to wear the Mary Janes?

me: The ones with the lugged soles? They fell apart. I’m going to wear the red shoes with the ribbon laces. The ones that I wore to Supercomputing when it was in Seattle.

1990s: You’re not going to wear the pearls?

me: I’m wearing the pearls.